


Godspeed

by starrylitme



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Bittersweet Ending, Budding Love, Comfort/Angst, Complicated Relationships, Creation Myth, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, House Cleaning, Introspection, KamuKoma Week 2018, Komaeda Nagito's Luck Cycle, M/M, Minor Injuries, Original Mythology, Philosophy, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 02:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15475095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: “I wouldn’t dare ask anything from Kamukura-sama. I am unworthy, after all.”“Vessels make requests from me periodically,” Kamukura said, unimpressed. “You are no less worthy than them.”“Oh, no, that’s not true.”Silence. Dead silence.“Because...other vessels can utilize the talents they’re blessed with to enrich the world. But I can’t do anything like that. You know this.” Komaeda won’t look at him. “I know all vessels are the same to you, Kamukura-sama, but as a vessel, I’m just...taking up space. I only exist for fortune’s whims. That’s not much of a beneficial existence.”“...I see...”(AU in which Kamukura Izuru is in charge of creating vessels that can hone their god-given talents and subsequently provide them guidance when requested. One day, he's requested to create a vessel for Luck. The vessel, Komaeda Nagito, is eccentric in ways that Kamukura expected, and yet, still finds curious. The closer the two grow, the more Kamukura begins to question matters.)





	Godspeed

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last of the fics for the week, officially speaking, and it's the weirdest.
> 
> I just, had the idea of Kamukura as a god of creation of sorts and kinda...ran with it in this fic. It's pretty weird but I still, uh, like it...? You can very much tell that it was written around the same time as the last fic I posted, but this one's way more bittersweet and not nearly as fluffy. Sorry.
> 
> I still hope you enjoy and comment because I worked really hard to finish this and desperately need validation for my efforts.
> 
> ;v;
> 
> Yeah.

Luck had wanted a vessel.

“A vessel alone would not be able to control the brunt of your power,” he had said. “Even on this vessel, your influence will be fickle. Erratic. And still you want a vessel?”

Luck was absolutely certain on this.

He could only sigh.

“How boring. Very well, I will provide you your vessel. I will have to make them incredibly durable, however, otherwise they will die early on. I am sure that will not be satisfactory.”

Luck had agreed.

Thus, Komaeda Nagito was born.

* * *

Komaeda Nagito had started off unremarkable, even among vessels. Then, slowly but surely, Luck’s control over him had a dramatic and visible effect. The peach hue of his skin faded into a sickly pallid, the red-brown of his hair turned white, and his health deteriorated significantly.

And yet, as Luck’s vessel and because of his durability, he was able to survive numerous catastrophes and freak accidents.

That, Kamukura supposed, put him above the other vessels.

Still, he did not care. Komaeda Nagito was nothing remarkable. Nothing special.

But, Komaeda Nagito’s personality manifested much differently than that of the other vessels, shaped by the restless and chaotic unpredictability of luck. Kamukura could tell that much.

And then, Komaeda Nagito approached him.

* * *

“Kamukura-sama, why was I made?”

A boring question.

“Because you were requested by Luck.”

“Am I beloved by Luck?” Komaeda asks, smiling serenely.

“Yes,” Kamukura said. “Though I suspect you find that hard to believe, Komaeda Nagito.”

Komaeda shook his head, smile never fading.

“Not at all,” he said. “But I had wanted to make sure.” If anything, that smile brightened. “Is Kamukura-sama beloved by the very gods?”

“To you, I am a god,” Kamukura pointed out. “You ask quite a few questions for a vessel, Komaeda Nagito.”

Normally, vessels asked for guidance. But for a vessel of luck, there was no such thing to provide. Luck had no guide, it was chance by chance and nothing more.

Komaeda Nagito was aware of that.

“I don’t have much else to do, Kamukura-sama,” he said. “Other vessels can hone the talents that they were blessed with, but I was blessed with a talent that is impossible to control. Even if I predict it, nothing is certain.”

“That is true,” Kamukura agreed. “So, then, do you wish to ask me for suggestions?”

“No.” Komaeda’s carefree smile doesn’t shift. “I just wanted to talk.”

Kamukura stares at him, and that smile on Komaeda’s face doesn’t fade.

“After all,” Komaeda said. “Kamukura-sama feels like a very lonely person. Kamukura-sama, I think—that we may be surprisingly similar. Oh, I mean nothing disrespectful by that, of course not...!”

Kamukura blinks once. Twice.

_This is new._

“Kamukura-sama...” Komaeda’s smile finally strains. “Um, please forgive my insolence...!”

“No,” he said. “You are alright, Komaeda Nagito.”

Komaeda Nagito still bowed deeply.

“I really did say too much...! Forgive me, Kamukura-sama!”

“Forget it,” Kamukura said. “I do not care.”

“I... I... Okay... I should get going...” Komaeda scampers off, but not before casting him a rather hopeful look. “Kamukura-sama, is it okay if I visit you again?”

“...Yes. You may.”

That smile returned, brightening up Komaeda’s face like a sunlit sky. With a cheerful nod, Komaeda hurried off.

* * *

True to his word, Komaeda was back again before long.

“Kamukura-sama, good morning!” Komaeda is beaming with a broom in his hands. “I thought that I’d clean up a bit! There’s so much dust everywhere, Kamukura-sama, how do you even stand it?!”

“Because I do not care,” he said. “It does not matter. All life eventually turns to dust.”

“I see, I see. Still,” Komaeda chirps. “Don’t you think you would be a little less listless when your temple is neat, tidy, and sparkling?”

He does not think, and he says as much.

And yet, Komaeda laughs him off.

“Cleaning is something I’m actually pretty good at, so I’ll clean,” he said. “Cleanliness is next to godliness after all.”

“Hm.”

He does not need to encourage the other. Komaeda tackles the chore with bountiful enthusiasm and eagerness. It’s almost as if he had been waiting all day to do such a thing.

_Ridiculous._

It wasn’t anything new. There were definitely vessels who were eager to please. This was boring. So boring.

Komaeda is humming a simple tune as he cleans, and then, Komaeda once again speaks up.

“There’s so much dust that even Kamukura-sama has been collecting it. You don’t move around much, do you, Kamukura-sama?” he laughs. “That’s no good! You need stimulation!”

Kamukura hummed.

“When was the last time you left your temple?” Komaeda asks, taking on a more serious tone.

“1408 years ago, give or take,” he said. “Does that matter?”

“That’s so long!” Komaeda gasped, horrified. “That’s no good! How can you observe the world if you don’t go out and _see_ it?!”

“I have no interest in such things,” Kamukura said. “I already know what lies out there. I create vessels, after all. Thus, it is pointless. It no longer concerns me.”

“No, that’s wrong!”

Komaeda’s shout was resounding to the point that the walls shuddered. Kamukura blinked, and then, Komaeda gasped and hurriedly backed away, appalled by the impudence that had him yell at a god.

“I... I mean...” Komaeda keeps his head down, his voice low, shaky, and meek. “I-It’s still... Kamukura-sama’s world... Just creating vessels, I... Don’t you want to see how things turn out with them? That is, not to say that us vessels are that important, of course...! But you did...create us... Are you not curious...?”

Kamukura did not answer, and Komaeda began to fret.

“Oh, just listen to me! Where did I learn this impertinence?!” He pulls on his hair, falling to his knees. “Talking to Kamukura-sama in such a matter—I must have gone completely mad! Luck should just strike me down here and now!”

“...Luck will do no such thing,” Kamukura said. “Luck is fickle. Luck does as it pleases and it does not care for anything except its whims. As Luck’s vessel, you should understand this.”

“B-But still!” Komaeda exclaimed. “There’s a level of respect that must always be upheld! And I deserve to be punished for failing to do just that! But of course, I wouldn’t dream of burdening the Kamukura-sama I’ve wronged with such menial disciplinary matters... What to do...”

He fidgets with the cleaning rag he brought.

“...cleaning...is the only thing I’m good at... But I was going to clean Kamukura-sama’s temple regardless...” His shoulders slump. “That’s not suitable punishment! I really am so worthless...!”

_...Hmm._

Kamukura stands up and walks towards him.

“...raise your head.”

Komaeda does so, albeit with a flinch and a wince.

“Your attitude, your actions, your words... They all mean nothing to me.” Kamukura speaks slowly and clearly. “Everything you do has no effect in the grand scheme of things. So this fretting, this fussing, your _concerns_ are folly, trivial, and boring.”

Komaeda blinks up at him, and then he frowns deeply.

“That’s...so heartless.” He pushes himself up and dusts himself off. “Kamukura-sama, you’re really beyond cold. Is that the result of not leaving your temple in over a thousand years?”

“1408,” Kamukura corrected. “To be more exact.”

Komaeda tilts his head, frowning.

“Yes, ah... I don’t...care about how exactly long it’s been. Either way, that’s a grossly long time to not go out.” He bows deeply. “Either way, I apologize for my disrespect earlier, Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura blinks at him. Once. Twice.

“...It is nothing.”

“Nothing to you, as you said before, aha,” Komaeda laughs humorlessly and rubs at the nape of his neck. “It’s not like I can do anything... It’s not even that big of a surprise, but... It’s still so disheartening to hear.”

_Disheartening?_

Kamukura stares at him, gaze boring and piercing.

“When I am visited, it is in request of services and guidance. Both of which I provide. Both are my duty. I am fulfilling my duties.”

_For once, I do not understand._

**_Interesting._ **

“Tell me,” Kamukura said. “What is it that you seek from me, Komaeda Nagito?”

Komaeda blinks up at him, confused.

“You clean up my temple, you provided a service,” Kamukura explained. “Does that not mean you wish for something in return?”

“Not at all.” Komaeda shook his head, waving his hand. “I wouldn’t dare ask anything from Kamukura-sama. I am unworthy, after all.”

“Vessels make requests from me periodically,” Kamukura said, unimpressed. “You are no less worthy than them.”

“Oh, no, that’s not true.”

Silence. Dead silence.

“Because...other vessels can utilize the talents they’re blessed with to enrich the world. But I can’t do anything like that. You know this.” Komaeda won’t look at him. “I know all vessels are the same to you, Kamukura-sama, but as a vessel, I’m just...taking up space. I only exist for fortune’s whims. That’s not much of a beneficial existence.”

_...ah._

“I see...”

“I would like to be helpful,” Komaeda said. “I’m good at cleaning, so... I thought that I could help Kamukura-sama by cleaning up his temple.”

“I see,” Kamukura repeated, lashes lowering. “So you are here for self-actualization.”

Komaeda snorted.

“Well,” he said. “It’s not like there’s anything else I can really do. Everywhere else I go, I just cause trouble. And I can’t die...” His eyes fall shut. “Because Kamukura-sama has made me far too durable. Because fortune will always protect my life.”

There is wind rustling outside, a sheen now on the tiles from Komaeda’s cleaning. Komaeda stands before him, expression demure, lips pulled into a straight line. When his pale-colored eyes flicker open, they still avoid Kamukura’s gaze. But then, Komaeda still smiles at him.

“But I’m still grateful to Kamukura-sama for my existence,” he said. “The world is full of beautiful things. I love beautiful things. I want to make Kamukura-sama’s temple beautiful, too, because... That’s how I think I should show my gratitude.”

“...very well then.”

Kamukura nods.

“Do as you like. It does not matter. I do not care.”

Komaeda nods back eagerly.

“I definitely will!”

Komaeda Nagito was quite the impertinent, capricious vessel. Fitting of Luck. Strangely, Kamukura found he minded his presence far less.

_How strange._

It is not often that Kamukura finds himself curious.

* * *

Komaeda scrubs the temple regularly, leaving the walls, tiles, and sculptures polished and smooth. He was considerably thorough, as well. As Komaeda Nagito himself had stated, he was good at cleaning. And he seemed to enjoy it, too. But whether it was for the act or something else, Kamukura could not tell.

_Vessels are typically so easy to read. But vessels also typically follow the same behavior. Komaeda Nagito does not do that._

It really was strange, but was it so surprising?

_A vessel for Luck... It is expectable that they be...eccentric, considering how Luck is._

He shouldn’t be surprised. And yet, he was still so—

_Curious._

“I was thinking of gardening, Kamukura-sama!” Komaeda holds up the seed packets as though they were offerings. “Which ones would you prefer?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Komaeda groans but still puts on a cheerful smile.

“Then can you just pick _any_ , Kamukura-sama?”

Kamukura stares at the seed packets.

“...the red, violet, and white ones, then.”

“Got it! Red, violet and white!”

Komaeda scampers off.

_It really doesn’t matter,_ Kamukura couldn’t help but think. _I have not gone outside in a while, either. But I am still—_

**_So curious._ **

So he steps outside to watch Komaeda bury the seeds, and Komaeda is humming as he does.

It’s bright out, so much so that he ends up squinting. Sunlight only serves to make Komaeda Nagito and his pallor even more washed out, and the shadows cast provide all the more contrast against that pallid complexion and those pale silvery strands where faded color only remains at the tips. Komaeda Nagito really is so fragile in appearance.

_But he is durable. I know that well._

Komaeda pulls back once he’s done, hands caked with dirt.

“There we are.” He tosses Kamukura glance over his shoulder and smiles. “Are you excited? They’re going to be pretty when they bloom! Ah, I’ll have to keep coming back to tend to them. Gardening requires diligent hands after all.”

“Yes, it does.” He knows that. “Feel free to garden to your heart’s content.”

“Hopefully you do like it, Kamukura-sama,” Komaeda says, getting to his feet and washing his hands off in the nearby stream. “The soil here is very fertile. I think the flowers will manage very well.”

“Yes, they will. That is expectable.”

Komaeda dries off his hands, chuckling as he did.

“I’m glad you agree.” A pause. “Aha... Kamukura-sama, you look different under the bright sun.”

“Light intensity does affect your vision, yes,” he said. “What of it?”

“You’re less frightening, for one thing,” Komaeda said. “And I can see just how messy your hair really is. Ehe.” His eyes trail up and down. “Although... Kamukura-sama is still very much a divine sight. As expected of a god! Still, you really should at least brush your hair, Kamukura-sama. So messy...”

Idly, Kamukura touches his hair, running his fingers along the multitude of knots and waves.

“...it doesn’t really matter how I look.”

“Does anything matter to you at all?” Komaeda asked, eyes wide.

“Not particularly.”

Komaeda frowned at him.

“That’s sad,” he said. “That’s very sad. I pity you, Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura perked up at that.

“You should tidy yourself up,” Komaeda said. “If you take better care of yourself, you might find yourself a little more content.”

Kamukura blinked.

“How boring.”

“Well, whatever,” Komaeda said, turning away and shrugging. “I’ll be on my way, Kamukura-sama. I’ll be back later for the flowers.” He winks. “And to greet you as I always do, of course.”

“Very well.”

Komaeda waves goodbye before skipping off. Kamukura is left there, shielding his eyes from the sun and watching him go. After Komaeda’s figure is too distant to see, he finds himself looking about.

_The sky is a vibrant blue. The grass is a vibrant green... The trees, the stream, the clouds..._

It hurt to look at, so he ended up going back inside. How strange, still, even though the sights were nothing special.

But, as always, it didn’t really matter so he stopped thinking about it.

* * *

As expected, Komaeda Nagito shows up regularly to tend to the flowers. And as Komaeda Nagito had said he would, he always greets him.

“Kamukura-sama! Hello! It’s lovely weather outside! Do you want to see? The flowers are budding quite nicely!”

Because he does not have anything better to do, he decides to go outside and see.

It is overcast. The sky is gray, clouds gathering and darkening, growing heavier with water. Komaeda Nagito is setting up a tarp over the garden.

“It’s going to storm,” he said. “So I’m going to try and set up protection just in case.”

Kamukura blinks at him and then at the sky overhead. He could tell from the smell that Komaeda was correct, but something still tugged at him as odd.

“You said this was lovely weather.”

“Because it is! It’s lovely because of what it symbolizes!” Komaeda lights up, bright where the sun was veiled. “Storms light up with jagged, beautiful flashes! And after the storm calms, everything is so much more vibrant and beautiful! Colors stretch across the sky, the air is refreshing and it all feels so serene... The weather that precedes all that is lovely because it reminds us of what will come.”

“It is dull,” he said unimpressed. “You find it lovely because of what it represents, but not because of what it is.”

Komaeda manages to get the tarp over the garden.

“...it’s lovely,” Komaeda muttered. “To be so dull, unsightly, and ugly but to be representative of beauty to come. I think that’s lovely. I think it’s enviable.”

A drop of rain lands on Kamukura’s nose. Komaeda stands and pulls up his hood.

“Aha, I should go find shelter, now.” He turns to Kamukura and gives him a smile. “I’ll be seeing you.”

“You could stay in the temple,” Kamukura pointed out, but Komaeda shook his head furiously.

“I...” Komaeda was hesitating, making the strangest face. “No, sorry. I mustn’t burden you like that, Kamukura-sama. Thank you for the offer. Sorry... I really should hurry along.”

Before Kamukura can say anything further, Komaeda has spun around on his heel and sped off. Kamukura blinks, and thunder rumbles up above.

_...that expression..._

It really stuck him as strange.

_Was he afraid...? Because of his luck? Ridiculous. I would not be affected by such a thing._

But then, he remembered the garden, and he looked towards it with a blink, watching the tarp rustle and flutter from the wind.

_...Hm._

Unsurprisingly, after the storm had long passed, Komaeda Nagito showed up with a cheerful smile as if nothing ever happened. And it went as per usual, with Komaeda Nagito tending to the garden and prattling about pointless things. All while Kamukura mulled over his expressions and hardly paid attention to the words.

Komaeda Nagito really was laughing so easily.

* * *

“Good morning, Kamukura-sama!”

Komaeda Nagito is grinning as always, cheerful as always, upbeat as always, and he is covered in bandages. Bandages around his arms, his neck, some on his cheek and jawline. They’re almost haphazardly applied, as if his injuries had been dressed in a hurry.

“Oh, this?” Of course Komaeda notices his staring and laughs. “It’s not a big deal. There was a building collapse that I had the misfortune of getting caught up in. Stuff like that happens a lot.”

“...I see.”

_Of course it would. Luck is—fickle and erratic to the extreme._

And yet, the sight still bothered him, especially with how Komaeda kept smiling like nothing was wrong.

_In spite of the chaotic life he surely leads, Komaeda Nagito has a calm smile. It really is curious._

And also...concerning. What a strange feeling that is—being concerned about a mere vessel.

“But good luck came from it!” Komaeda chirps and shows off the basket of fruit he brought with him. “One of the vendors took such pity on me. They really were so kind. I really am so lucky to have been shown such kindness!”

He laughs and then sets the basket before him.

“I... I wanted to share some with you, Kamukura-sama,” he said. “It’s not an offering, I just—I thought you would enjoy it. Is that okay?”

Kamukura simply takes one of the apples and bites into it. As expected, it is of good quality.

“You should eat as well. You are injured, after all.”

Komaeda hums and tentatively takes out a knife to cut the fruit into pieces. He starts with the melon.

“Well, eating won’t take the pain away, but I suppose it’ll at least help.”

With that, he takes a bite of it. Kamukura finishes up his apple as he watches the other eat slowly and contemplatively. Much seems to be on Komaeda Nagito’s mind.

But, when Komaeda notices his staring, he resumes smiling like nothing’s wrong.

_He is being avoidant. That is...strange._

“If you are having an issue, would the logical thing simply be to ask for my assistance?” he asked.

Komaeda blinked at him, eyes wide for a moment and shook his head with a carefree laugh.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing you should concern yourself with, Kamukura-sama.”

“I am not...concerned.” He clicked his tongue. “I am merely curious. I exist to be requested from. You are not taking advantage of that. You are burdening yourself unnecessarily.”

“...it’s unnecessary to burden you, Kamukura-sama,” Komaeda said. “Isn’t that simple logic as well?”

_...ah._

It is. It is simple logic. Komaeda Nagito is correct.

But no one has ever put it like that before.

“I exist...to be requested from.” Even though Komaeda Nagito was right... Kamukura finds that he is still repeating himself. “So, then...”

“It’s really nothing,” Komaeda almost snapped. His expression tightens, and his eyes are pleading. Pleading with him to _drop the matter_. “It’s nothing Kamukura-sama should concern himself with.”

“I...” He blinks. “Very well.”

That was the end of it. They both eat in silence afterwards. It isn’t long before Komaeda is back to cheerful smiles and easy laughter. As if nothing was wrong. As if nothing happened.

As if he didn’t wince whenever he adjusted himself in a way that aggravated the injuries tucked away behind messy bandage-work.

_Huh._

* * *

Something happened, despite Komaeda Nagito insisting that it was nothing worth concern. Something changed, and Kamukura finds himself stripping, and wading into the stream to bathe for the first time in well over a thousand years.

There is much dirt and dust to cleanse himself of, amongst other things.  His hair gets caught on brambles, but he’s careful to disentangle it, and then careful to run his fingers through.

For his hair in particular, he must be thorough if he is to be clean. He is nothing short of thorough when he is given a task.

But it is not very often that he gives himself a task.

Still, he cleans and washes himself, ducking under the stream’s surface and rinsing himself off. Afterwards, he wrings the water from his hair and it is considerably lighter than before.

_Perhaps... I should bathe more often for the sake of that convenience._

He dresses himself in clean clothes as well, clean robes and a clean cloak. He ties back his hair. He pulls up his hood.

He pauses by the garden. The flowers have yet to bloom, but there are still those flourishes of color. It was sure to be beautiful.

_Komaeda Nagito tended to it so diligently. That is expectable._

And yet, that strange feeling arose in his gut. Quite strange.

_I should get going._

In the very least, he’s sure he can figure out the directions to town.

* * *

The town is how he expected. There are vessels and non-vessels mingling and chattering. He is not responsible for the non-vessels so he does not think much of them. They simply are what they are.

The town is bustling at an expectable level. There are some people arguing, there are some making friends, there are others catching up, and quite a few children chasing each other with more of that high-pitched laughter.

Everything is how he expected.

_It’s...boring. And irritating. I may have wasted my time._

But if he is going to come this far, he might as well see everything through. He keeps his gaze low, tugging down his hood to further block out the sun’s blinding rays from above. It’s a lukewarm day. Calm, easy weather. It is no wonder that so many people are out and about. This, too, is a reasonable hour to be out and about.

_It’s loud. Vibrant. Irritating._

He walks through, and thankfully isn’t paid much if any mind. For now, he picks up on tidbits of the various conversations.

“That guy really does piss me off—”

“Would you help me out, please, please, _pleeeeease_?”

“How’s the deadline coming along?”

“He’s not a bad person.”

“I’ve never seen a plant like that before.”

“Ooh, aren’t you cute?!”

“He’s really been getting into all kinds of trouble lately...”

“How’s repairs coming along?”

“I think it’s going to rain soon.”

“What are we even supposed to do? We can’t kick him out.”

“Man, my arms are killing me!”

“I’ll take three breads.”

“Should we go to Kamukura-sama, then? Maybe he can...fix it?”

“Are you _crazy_?! Do you have any idea how disrespectful that would be?!”

Kamukura doesn’t pause. But he does glance over, briefly. The group is keeping their heads low as well as their voices, and they’re trading looks of unease and discontent.

“What are we supposed to do? Just keep on grinning and bearing it?”

“Someone’s already been seriously injured.”

“The next accident might actually kill someone.”

“Well, he’s been showing up less and less, so at least he gets that he’s not wanted around.”

“It’s not his fault...”

“Whether it’s his fault or not...”

“He’s still a really creepy guy.”

“He’s Luck’s vessel. Of course he’s weird. Luck isn’t even a talent. What was Kamukura-sama thinking?”

“Don’t question Kamukura-sama like that out loud!”

“Kamukura-sama was abiding by Luck’s requests... He’s not to blame for this...”

“Yeah... That’s true... Still...”

“This is difficult...”

**_Irritating._ **

Kamukura hurried on his way, irritated as though the very words pricked at his skin.

* * *

_So that is how Komaeda Nagito gets talked about._

It isn’t surprising. He had known well that the vessel of Luck would have chaotic, unpredictable effects on the world around him. It is reasonable to expect that this would disrupt the community. Sensible, really, but Luck could not and would not be deterred.

_Still, they are talking about someone who smiles as if nothing is wrong even after he’s been injured. Someone who loves beautiful things. Someone who—_

Someone who visited him every day. And cleaned his temple. And planted him a garden. All while asking for nothing in return. Even if it was for mere self-actualization...

_Komaeda isn’t a bad person. Yet, he has plenty to feel bad about._

He knows that very well. So even if it’s expectable, it still bothers him that Komaeda Nagito would be talked about so poorly.

_Komaeda..._

His sleeve is tugged, and he turns, meeting wide gray-greens.

_Ah. Of course._

“Kamukura-sama?” He blinks a few times. “It _is_ you.”

Komaeda is speaking in a hushed whisper, low so that others to not overhead.

“Did you come to town because you were curious?”

“I... Yes, that is so.” He nods. “I am rather unimpressed by what I have observed, all that said.”

And yet, Komaeda beamed, brighter than the sun.

“That’s still great! It’s more than you’ve done in over a thousand years! Aah...” He covers his mouth, vibrating with excitement and trying to calm down with little success. Kamukura places a hand on his head, stilling him. Komaeda’s eyes were sparkling, but when he uncovered his mouth to speak, it was back at an acceptably low volume. “Do you want me to show you around? Or should I introduce you to people? Ah, of course, everyone here already knows you, Kamukura-sama...”

Komaeda squirms, fidgeting with his fingers and pulling at his own hood.

“Of course, Kamukura-sama may have wanted to visit in secret and if that’s the case... I should get going before people get suspicious, aha! I’m sorry, Kamukura-sama, I...!”

“It is fine.” He takes Komaeda’s wrist. “If you wish to show me around, I do not mind. That said, I would prefer to not be recognized.”

Komaeda blinks up at him and simply smiles.

“Can you disguise yourself, Kamukura-sama?”

“...ah.”

_Right. Of course._

His eyes close for a moment, and when they open again, they are olive green. He reaches out and pulls down his hood, revealing short and spiky brown hair.

“Will this do?”

Komaeda stares, mouth falling open.

“...so plain...” His eyes sparkled. “Yes, it’s perfect! What should I call you?!”

“Hinata... Hajime.” He shrugs. “I suppose.”

“Hinata-kun!” Komaeda chirped and then took his hand, jumping happily. “Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun! Then, let’s get going! Let’s go!”

“Alright, alright.”

* * *

If he had thought Komaeda Nagito was bright normally, then he was pure radiance as he tugged him along, showing him all the stores and buildings and chatting up several people along the way. It was a bit irritating, but with Komaeda there, conversing wasn’t too much of a burden. Komaeda, it turned out, was as quick a thinker as he was a talker.

“Hinata-kun’s a new vessel, so I’m showing him around!”

“Oh, what’s his talent?”

“Being a soothing presence!”

Komaeda smiles so widely and so earnestly that few would pick up on the lie. In fact, everyone thus far had nodded, sometimes with an additional remark.

“...you two seem like a good pair.”

Like so.

“Thank you!”

Komaeda really was earnest, all that said. Almost to a fault.

“Oi, Komaeda! That new guy looks strong!”

“Oh, does he...? I didn’t really notice...”

“Hey!” He’s being pointed at by a beefy finger. “How’s about a little friendly sparring?”

“Very well.”

Komaeda lets out a yelp when he flips the other over without missing a beat.

“N-Nidai-kun!!!”

Nidai hisses but laughs as Kamukura bends his arm behind him, slapping the ground a few times in defeat. Kamukura lets him go.

“Damn! Now _that_ was a throw!”

Before Komaeda could say anything, he was quickly shoved to the side.

“Hey! If you can just toss ol’ Nidai like that, then you just have to fight me, too!” She cracked her knuckles, taunting. “Bring it, bring it!”

Komaeda was rubbing his arm where he hit it, wincing. Kamukura’s look sharpened.

In the blink of an eye, she went flying to the shock of everyone else.

“O-Owari-san!”

“ _OWARI_!!!!”

Nidai caught her quickly, to Komaeda’s immediate relief and Kamukura’s unimpressed unconcern. Owari threw her arms in the air with a whoop.

“Holy hell; that _was_ a throw! Let’s do that again!”

Before Nidai could say anything, Owari had leapt out of her arms and once again charged. Kamukura held up a hand to subdue her, but Komaeda was quick to yell.

“W-Wouldn’t you rather eat instead?!”

Owari immediately halted, Kamukura blinking a few times.

“Being thrown like that, you must be hungry, Owari-san,” Komaeda was saying, waving his hands helplessly. “How about we eat instead? K—Hinata-kun, I mean, hasn’t had anything all day, either.”

“Seriously?! But eating is like, the most important thing!” Owari exclaimed as Nidai looked aghast.

“How are you supposed to be FIT on an empty _STOMACH_?!?!?!”

“Ah, ha, right?” Komaeda nods along. “Hinata-kun, you really should eat more. So...” His desperate smile strains. “Let’s eat, let’s eat!”

Kamukura stares, gaze flickering between Komaeda and the other two.

“...I suppose.”

There’s really no other options in this situation.

* * *

Even though they went to the restaurant on his behalf, both Owari and Nidai were quick to order a hefty slew of food and bang several times on the table until their food is delivered. It’s expectable.

The cook, once finished tending to them with a smile and a haughty laugh, approaches him next. His eyes are alit, eyebrows raising with blatant interest. This, too, was expectable.

“So, this fine young man is _Hinata_ - _kun_ , hmm?”

“Ah...yeah...”

Komaeda’s smile only stained at that moment as the cook leaned in, licking his lips and wiggling his eyebrows. Kamukura stared back until he faltered, a shudder going up his spine.

“H-He’s certainly quite the character!”

“He is, isn’t he,” Komaeda mused thoughtfully as he nibbled at his rice. “But isn’t he just brimming with talent? Hinata-kun’s really incredible, isn’t he?”

“Yeah...” The cook was avoiding looking at him directly. “Incredible... Right.”

“Komaeda,” he said and brushed off Komaeda’s jawline, making Komaeda and the cook stiffen. “You have rice on your face.”

“I-I’ll leave you two be! Excuse me!”

With that, the cook scampered off. Komaeda chuckled into his hand.

“You really can do anything...” His tone is almost wistful, dreamy perhaps. And just as quickly as it came, Komaeda bounced back to simplistic cheer. “How’s the food?”

“It is as expected.”

“So then it’s really good, right?” Komaeda asked. “Hanamura-kun’s talent is cooking, so...”

“Yes.” Kamukura takes a bite of his steak. “It is good. I do not care to go further into detail.”

_I feel as though words could not convey much, especially compared to those two that are still pigging out._

“You don’t think much of eating, do you, K—Hinata-kun?”

Kamukura shook his head. Komaeda’s smile falls for a moment.

“You really are on a different level...” He trails off. “Aha, but, of course, I knew that already. Your capabilities are boundless, after all, and that is why...”

He sips at his soda, humming as he does. Kamukura watches him, observing.

Komaeda bites his lower lip.

“You’re probably the only being that could kill me. Am I wrong?”

Kamukura was quiet. His eyes shut for a moment as he mulled it over.

“...theoretically. I suppose.”

Komaeda laughs like it’s nothing.

Like it’s nothing at all.

“You suppose? Does that mean you’re not sure?”

“...I do not want to think about that.”

Komaeda’s smile drops, and his gaze lowers.

“...I see.”

They don’t discuss the matter further. In fact, they don’t discuss anything as they finish up eating.

* * *

Komaeda shows him around some more, cheerful and upbeat again for a time. But it’s clear that these efforts are a struggle.

One that wears more and more as time goes on.

Komaeda is leaning against a wall, fatigued, but he startles back to attention when Kamukura returns with a small handmade boat.

“Aha... Haha... So that’s what caught your eye?” Komaeda’s smile, then, was sincere. “Are you going to set it up somewhere?”

“I could. I figured it would not hurt.” He shrugs. “The design of it is interesting. I have not been on one of these before. There was no need, of course.”

“If I got on a boat, it would just wreck,” Komaeda says, laughing as he does. “But I do love the look of the ocean. The rolling waves, the shimmering surface. It’s beautiful. We should go to the beach someday.”

“...alright.”

He agrees so easily that Komaeda ends up startled.

“A... Alright.” He nods, flustering a bit. “Later, then.”

Komaeda turns away, but the tips of his ears are pink.

“You should probably head back. It would be troubling if someone went to the temple while you weren’t there. Has that ever happened before?”

“Not to my knowledge,” he said. “But I suppose you are right. Then, shall we get going, Komaeda?”

Komaeda flinched.

“...we?”

“You have not tended to the garden today,” Kamukura pointed out. “So I assumed that we would return there together.”

“I... Oh. Yes.” Komaeda tucks his hair back. “That, um, that makes sense.”

_His hand is trembling._

“Let’s get going, Komaeda.”

“R... Right.”

Komaeda fiddled with his robe as they walked. He fiddled and fidgeted, clearly anxious. Respectfully, Kamukura refrained from remarking on it.

* * *

After a while, Komaeda spoke up.

“Hey... That appearance... Did you choose it randomly, Kamukura-sama?”

“No,” he said. “I have looked like this before. But it was long, long ago. Even I do not remember the exact moment where my appearance had changed completely.”

Komaeda blinks a few times, wide-eyed.

“I see... Kamukura-sama were you...?”

“I was a mere human. Before the time of vessels.”

“A human...?” Komaeda squints, pondering the term. “Those are... They’re different from vessels, right? So, then, non-vessels?”

“Humans are nothing more, nothing less, than human.”

“Aha, I see...” A pause. “Actually I don’t. I have no idea what you mean since I don’t really know what a human is. I guess they just died out or something. How strange.”

Kamukura was quiet for a while.

“Do you remember what it was like being a human?” Komaeda asked.

“Vaguely,” he answered. “It was a long time ago, after all.”

Komaeda nods.

“...do you miss it, Kamukura-sama?”

Kamukura thought about it, remembering only an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and a desire that, with time, whittled down to nothing. Towers and structures that had decayed into dust within his mind over the centuries.

_It is as one would expect. Time erodes._

“Even if I did, it would be impossible to return to such times,” he said. “Those times do not matter anymore. To dwell on them would be foolish.”

Komaeda smiles lightly.

“I suppose that’s true. I was just curious.” A pause. “Aha, that was still such an impertinent question to ask. I should be ashamed.”

“It is nothing to concern yourself over,” Kamukura said. “You concern yourself excessively, Komaeda Nagito.”

Komaeda falters at that.

“I suppose...that’s true.”

They continue to walk in silence. Komaeda wrings his hand, eyelids low and gaze avoidant.

A bird was chirping. The trees’ leaves were rustling due to the wind. The long white strands of Komaeda’s hair were ruffled. Kamukura thought for a moment about tucking his hair back behind his ear. In this disguise, his hair was too short to be a problem, but for Komaeda Nagito—

_Perhaps that would be pushing boundaries. He is a vessel after all. Just because we are closer than normal, that does not mean..._

He wondered, idly, what exactly it did mean.

_What am I doing?_

He didn’t have an answer to that, either.

* * *

“Ah...”

Komaeda stills, trailing behind as Kamukura steps into the temple, appearance shifting back to normal with every step until he set up the homemade boat. Once done, he turned to face him. Komaeda’s breath catches, and he clasps his hands together as if in prayer.

“Kamukura-sama...really is radiant,” he says, and he doesn’t move from the entryway, from the sunlight casting his figure in shadow. “I really am so blessed, aha...! Hahaha...!”

His fingers tighten as he curls in on himself, trembling like a leaf.

Kamukura is by him in an instant, taking his shoulders.

“Komaeda?”

Komaeda shakes his head weakly, swallowing back saliva.

“Kamukura-sama... I... I’m sorry. T-The truth is... I’ve been...using you...”

“Yes,” he replied. “What of it? Everyone uses me for my services.”

“But...” Komaeda wets his lips. He gives a strained smile. “But I don’t _use_ your services, now do I?”

“No, you do not...” _Why is that? Is it really because you feel undeserving? Either way..._ “It doesn’t make a difference. You are not doing anything worth apologizing for.”

Komaeda’s laughter is like dented bells.

“It’s disgusting. A lowly being like me imposing so much on Kamukura-sama... Just because I felt we were similar, just because Kamukura-sama is so despairingly listless, just because _what else do I have_...” Komaeda frowns, eyes dark and serious for a moment. “I really have been just irredeemably disrespectful. Shameful, even. The feelings I have towards Kamukura-sama are just...”

_Feelings?_

“If you mean that you like me more than what you feel is appropriate, then that is fine,” he found himself saying. “After all, I myself am partial towards you.”

Komaeda blinks up at him drearily.

“...that’s not...what I mean. Goodness, Kamukura-sama, you misunderstood me.” He sighs, shaking his head. “No, no, you have it all wrong. I mean, I’m flattered, but...”

_Huh?_

“...I was wrong?”

_What a strange concept._

“Well... I do like Kamukura-sama a lot, but... I know my place in that regard, at least.” He rubs at the nape of his neck. “Our relationship is so imbalanced. Kamukura-sama said himself that compared to me, he’s a god. Can you truly like a god...?”

“...”

_I..._

“...I do not know the answer to that.”

“You don’t really know much of anything, do you?” Komaeda asked. “I’m not really surprised. Kamukura-sama, compared to an ever-changing world full of ever changing beings... You’ve stayed the same for lifetimes.”

That was correct. He had.

At some point, after his transformation, he just—stopped changing. Remained stagnant.

For over a thousand years.

“I was wrong,” Komaeda said. “Because I thought I would find meaning in my wretched existence if I could just turn to you. But, you just gave me the simple answer. I exist because Luck willed it. And Luck is fickle and erratic. There’s no hope in a being that exists for such a capricious whim. I thought, then, perhaps I could be a stepping stone for others, but...”

Komaeda’s arms wrap around himself.

“But... I just caused destruction and unhappiness, even for people who were kind to me.” He avoids Kamukura’s gaze. “I thought, then, perhaps I am simply meant to be alone, but...”

He holds himself tight, as though he could fall apart in nothing more than a mere moment.

“I got antsy...anxious. I ended up turning to Kamukura-sama again and again. After all, Kamukura-sama is the one person who will not get hurt by my luck, but... Even if I tried to do favors, you were right. It was nothing more than a self-serving edge.” His smile is wobbly. “But Kamukura-sama is lonely, too, right? That’s why... I have to apologize. You shouldn’t have someone like me taking advantage of your loneliness for the sake of self-actualization. Even if you say that it’s alright, I... It’s so cruel of me to use you like that.”

His head bows.

“And I’ve gotten so comfortable with you, in spite of that. I’m sorry, Kamukura-sama. Even if you tell me that you’re used to being used—taking advantage of someone’s feelings for your own sake is just...impertinent.”

Kamukura opened his mouth but then he closed it.

_I do not know how to respond._

“I’ll continue tending to the garden,” Komaeda said quietly. “And I’ll continue to clean your temple. But... I’ll try not to talk to you. So, instead...” He laughs, just as quietly. “You should go into town more often. Get to know the other vessels there. I’m sure...you’ll find that you’ll feel a lot less lonely.”

With that, Komaeda turns on his heel.

“Kamukura-sama, thank you. I’m so, so sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything but he does thoughtlessly reach out as Komaeda walks away. He stops himself, but when Komaeda is too far away, he wonders if that was really the right choice.

_I do not know._

Kamukura looks down so that he does not have to see Komaeda’s disappearing figure.

_I just do not know._

* * *

True to his word, Komaeda does return to clean the temple. True to his word, rather than greeting him with the usual cheerful exclamation, Komaeda just politely bows before getting to work. True to his word, the temple is absent of the sound of Komaeda’s usual chatter as he works, with Komaeda cleaning quietly and diligently under Kamukura’s watchful gaze.

It is the same when Komaeda gardens, although Komaeda brightens up considerably more when surrounded by blooming flowers. Still, Komaeda tends to them cheerily, all while keeping quiet.

That only really changes because there are times when Komaeda hums as he works.

Still, Kamukura can only observe him from a distance.

_I had thought keeping him around would be interesting. But, watching over him, I find that this feeling is not a pleasant one._

Even though Komaeda is smiling as always, like nothing’s wrong.

_With all this time I have kept him near... What exactly have I learned?_

He thought about it.

_Komaeda Nagito...is a capricious person. He has high expectations but is also quite cynical. He is cheerful, but always with a self-effacing edge. He is selfish, but altruistic as well._

Kamukura sucked in his breath.

_As a vessel, he has been given a difficult fate he has no choice but to endure. One that I handed him so carelessly._

Oh.

So that was it.

_This unpleasant feeling is guilt._

* * *

He washes himself in the stream again, and he does check out town once more.

He observes the other vessels, how they go about their lives and days. Their struggles and their ease.

He is careful to not be spotted by any of them.

He wonders, back then, how Hinata Hajime would have communicated and connected with these people. Then he pushes back the thought because it doesn’t matter.

_If I were not here...then this world would not exist. This is the world I created, and..._

He feels detached from all of it. It’s irritating.

_In the first place, why did I ask for this position in the first place? Was it really just to be special? What a boring desire. Wouldn’t I have been better off remaining human?_

But if he had... Komaeda Nagito would not exist.

_Komaeda... Nagito... Komaeda..._

He snaps.

* * *

“Komaeda Nagito, I would like to ask a question.”

Komaeda perks up, broom still in hand, sunlight filtering through the windows, catching on his hair.

“If you were to be born without luck,” Kamukura said quietly, voice low. “Do you think that you would lead a life where you could pursue a reasonable amount of happiness? Would that be the case for every person born without talent?”

Komaeda blinks at him.

“What do you think?” Kamukura asks again.

“I...” Komaeda looks at the ground blankly. “What would that mean for Kamukura-sama, being in a world like that?”

“I would be no different than anyone else,” Kamukura said. “I would live. I would die. I would be nothing special nor notable.”

“But would you still be...?”

Kamukura shook his head.

“As I am, I could never exist in a world like that. So, no, I would not still be. I would instead be a completely different person.”

“I see...” Komaeda ponders it. “A world like that sounds harmonious, but terribly boring. Why do you ask, Kamukura-sama?” He smiles. Like nothing is wrong. “That was such a strange, troubling question. Are you quite alright?”

“Are you?” Kamukura asks. “Are you really alright, Komaeda Nagito?”

“Eh?” Komaeda’s head tilts. His cheerful smile widens. “That’s nothing to concern yourself with.”

“I asked. A question.” There’s a chill in the air. “I would prefer you answer directly rather than deflect.”

Komaeda drops the broom. It clatters to the floor. Komaeda stands there, still and frozen. And then, slowly and with a bit of difficulty, Komaeda folds his hands over his lap. His head bows.

“...so why are you asking me that, Kamukura-sama?”

“Because I am concerned,” he answered. “Because I worry about you. Regardless of whether you think you are worthy of such is irrelevant. So you are wasting breath if you protest.”

“I see...” Komaeda swallowed. “Kamukura-sama... The truth is... I’ve wanted to die for a while now. At the very least, I wanted to lead a life that was not so insignificant. But... I have no idea how to accomplish that with the way I am.”

“I see,” he echoed. “Then, would you like guidance, Komaeda Nagito?”

Komaeda nodded simply.

“Pursue what you believe will bring you happiness,” Kamukura said. “Continue to live earnestly. Discard those pressing beliefs of your own inadequacy. Shape your future and fate how your see fit.”

Komaeda’s face falls.

“Because your talent is luck, your skills are undefined and variable. Thus, you have no set path before you. Does that displease you to hear, Komaeda Nagito?”

Hands tightening into fists, Komaeda’s shoulders shake.

“...yes,” he mumbled. “It does...displease me. I mean no disrespect, Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura simply nodded. And then, Komaeda falls to his knees. Kamukura approaches him, of course, and then Komaeda reaches out and snatches up handfuls of his robe.

“I just...” Komaeda shivers. “I just knew that Kamukura-sama’s guidance would only serve to make me feel more lost...!”

Kamukura holds him uncertainly, fingers running through his hair and rubbing awkwardly at his back.

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda mumbled against his robe. “I must look so ungrateful.”

“It is alright,” he said. “Have you suspected that there would be no clear route for you to follow?”

Komaeda nodded against him.

“As a vessel... I really am worthless. That I can only really live for myself is so despairing.”

_Despairing..._

“Ah, but,” Komaeda added suddenly. “I would never ask for a different fate than the one I have. That would be far too impudent. So I really have no choice but to accept Kamukura-sama’s words.”

Kamukura holds him closer. Komaeda Nagito is frail, especially in his arms, but he is also soft and warm to the touch. It occurs to him, then, that he does not mind holding the other within his embrace.

_Even though I know I cannot keep him safe like this._

But for now, he holds the other for as long as Komaeda allows.

* * *

The flowers are still in full bloom as he observes them.

“Are you going to take care of them while I’m gone?”

Kamukura perks, and without turning towards the other, he nods.

“You need not worry, Komaeda Nagito.”

“What about keeping the temple clean?” Komaeda asks worriedly. “Will you do that, too?”

“Yes. I will.”

He stands, brushing his hair back.

“Did you really come by to ask all of that?”

“Well, I wanted to make sure.”

Kamukura looks at him. Komaeda smiles faintly in response to his stare, adjusting his bag as he does.

“I decided to go traveling for a bit,” he said. “I don’t know when I’ll come back or what exactly I’ll find, but... I’ll just let my luck lead me to whatever and see what happens. Maybe I’ll meet a human!”

“Perhaps,” Kamukura echoed. “But it will be strange. Vessels do not typically travel far from here.”

“If they do, they’re doing so because their talent is traveling,” Komaeda said. “That or, adventuring, I guess? Either way, I’m pretty nervous.” He fidgets. “I’ll miss this place. And the town. But I’m sure the town will be glad to be rid of me.”

Kamukura was quiet as Komaeda laughed without a care.

“I’ll miss Kamukura-sama, too,” he chirps. “Really, you’re the one I’m most worried about. Kamukura-sama, will you be lonely while I’m gone?”

“Yes. But do not concern yourself with that. You should worry about yourself from now on, Komaeda Nagito.”

Komaeda bites his lip but nods uncertainly. He hesitates for a moment before stepping forward, taking Kamukura’s hand and kneeling as he kisses the top of it. Kamukura’s hand slips out of his grasp, which he allows, and then it cups his cheek, thumb running over the curvature. Komaeda leans into his touch with a sigh.

“Please be careful,” Kamukura tells him. “I know you are durable, but you are fragile as well, Komaeda Nagito.”

“That’s because of you,” Komaeda said serenely. “But, I’ll try my best, Kamukura-sama. Thank you for everything.”

He stiffens as Kamukura’s lips brush against his brow before pulling away completely.

“Ah, huh...?”

“You should get going, Komaeda Nagito.”

Komaeda pushes himself to his feet, avoiding his gaze with a flushed face.

“Ah, um, yes.”

“Good luck on your travels,” Kamukura said, making him chuckle into his hand.

Komaeda gave him one last smile, eyes twinkling. With one last wave, he went on his way. Kamukura waved in return until Komaeda’s figure had disappeared. After that, Kamukura drops his hand.

“...Godspeed,” he muttered belatedly. “Nagito.”

* * *

“If there is any way to guarantee that Komaeda Nagito’s travels turn well, I would...”

Still, he knows that Luck is fickle. In truth, Fate could be rather fickle as well. He shouldn’t be surprised. He should only be accepting. All the same.

“I just want Nagito to be happy. Perhaps that is selfish of me, being the one who is the reason he suffers so much in the first place. I had never—thought about another person’s happiness before.”

Has he always been so cold?

He is then asked what is it about this vessel of Luck that stirs him so. He blinks a few times, and then he answers.

“He made me feel human.”

And wasn’t that supposed to be a bad thing?

“I... No. I do not think so. Though I made the choice to discard my humanity in the past, I think that... Perhaps that was wrong-headed of the human I used to be. The human named Hinata Hajime.”

He lets his eyes fall shut.

“I had thought that this would bring me a sense of fulfillment and importance. After connecting with Komaeda Nagito, I see now just what a hollow, shallow creature I am. I shall try to make amends for that. I wish to be befitting of the significance I am supposed to have with the duties I carry out.”

It will be difficult. He knows this. But he still must attempt.

“...when Komaeda Nagito returns... If he returns... I would like to...”

Both Luck and Fate giggle at him, so he pauses for a bit.

“...I would like to be someone deserving of that sparkling gaze of his.”

But for now, he had cleaning to be done.


End file.
